The Backwards Law
There’s a paradox known as “the backwards law.” It comes from the philosopher Alan Watts, who writes in his book The Wisdom of Insecurity: “I have always been fascinated by [the] ‘backwards law.’ When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float. When you hold your breath, you lose it.” The backwards law—that’s the theme of this SIX at 6…
I’m Going To Write Something As Big As My Imagination
Game of Thrones is the #1 most watched TV show ever. Paradoxically, it was originally written to be “unfilmable.” In the late 1970s, George R.R. Martin quit his teaching job to try to become a full-time writer. Martin had some success selling science fiction short stories and novellas, but then in 1983, his novel The Armageddon Rag was such a commercial failure that it “essentially destroyed my career as a novelist.” Desperate for work, Martin went out to Hollywood and secured a job as a staff writer in television. The money was good, but the work was frustrating. Later, talking about what spurred him to write A Game of Thrones—the first book in his “Song of Ice and Fire” series—Martin said, “I worked in Hollywood for about 10 years, from the late ’80s to the ’90s. I’d been on the staff of The Twilight Zone and Beauty and the Beast. All of my first drafts tended to be too big or too expensive. I always hated the process of having to cut.” So Martin left Hollywood—“I said, ‘I’m sick of this. I’m going to write something that’s as big as I want it to be.’” He decided, “I’m going to write something just as big as my imagination. I’m going to have all the characters I want, gigantic castles, dragons, direwolves, and a really complex plot. And it’s fine because it’s a book.” “The irony is, of course,” Martin said, “that’s what became filmed.”
The Success of “25” Was Like Madder Than “21”
Following her wildly successful second album (“21”), for 2 years, Adele struggled to make music. She eventually considered giving up music altogether and “bowing out on a high” because “I was like, ‘I’m never going to be able to follow up 21.’” But then, “I realized that I actually didn’t want to live up to ’21.’ I didn’t want to live in the state of mind that I was when I wrote ’21.’ Because it was a miserable one…It was horrible. I was miserable, I was lonely, I was sad, I was angry, and I was bitter. I didn’t want to feel that again.” It was a breakthrough realization, Adele said, “because I was able to let go of the pressure to follow up the success of ’21.’ And instead, I was like, ‘I’m just going to write music for fun.’ Then the process felt a lot like when I was making my first album [“19”]—I was just doing it because I wanted to, rather than because, ‘Oh, I have to follow up the success of ‘21.’” When she gave up on trying to follow up the success of “21,” Adele recorded her third album, “25,” which went on to win 6 Grammys (including Album of the Year and Best Pop Vocal Album) and become the fourth-best-selling album of the 21st century and one of the best-selling albums of all time. “[The success of ’25’] was like madder than ’21,’” she said. “And I was not expecting it. I was just making music for fun and feeling like I was feeling when I first started making music.”
Four One Hundredths Of A Second
In the 1988 Olympic Men’s 200m Backstroke Race, with less than 5 meters to go (about the length of a medium-sized car), Sergei Zabolotnov was in bronze-medal position. So badly wanting to medal, Zabolotnov looked twice to his rightat the swimmer in fourth-place position, Paul Kingsman, in lane 1. Before those two split-second distractions, Zabolotnov had about a heads-length lead on Kingsman. But because Zabolotnov “was more focused on looking at me than finishing the race,” Kingsman told me, he “cost himself four one hundredths of a second.” Kingsman touched the wall four one hundredths of a second before Zabolotnov and took the bronze medal. Because he was thinking so much about how much he wanted it, Zabolotnov didn’t get his medal.
Put Aside What You Want To Achieve
Days after a quarterfinals loss in the 2010 French Open, Novak Djokovic told his coach, Marián Vajda, that he had decided to quit playing tennis. He was No. 3 in the world, a grand slam winner, and a favorite to win Wimbledon. After Djokovic said he was quitting, Vajda asked, “Why did you start playing this sport?” Vajda immediately sensed what the problem was: Djokovic was focusing too much on rankings, records, titles, and external expectations. As a result, Djokovic said, “I was mentally at one very messed up place.” As Djokovic thought about Vajda’s question, he thought about how many of his earliest childhood memories include his “most beloved toy”—a mini tennis racket and a soft foam ball. He started playing tennis, answering Vajda’s question, “because I just really loved holding that racket in my hand.” “Do you still love holding a racket in your hand?” Vajda asked. Djokovic thought about it for a few seconds, got excited, and said: “I do. I still love holding a racket in my hand. Whether it’s a grand slam final on center court or just playing around on a public court, I like playing for the sake of playing.” Vajda nodded, “Well that’s your source. That’s what you need to tap into. Put aside rankings and what you want to achieve and what you think others are expecting of you.” Vajda then suggested that Djokovic take a few weeks off. Djokovic agreed that he would. But when he woke up the next morning, Djokovic was dying to hit tennis balls. He went to the courts to play for the sake of playing. “And I never looked back ever since that moment.” He gave up focusing so much on rankings and records, and the following season, Djokovic enjoyed one of the greatest seasons in sports history. He won 43 straight matches. He won three Grand Slams, including his first Wimbledon title. And he finished the year as the number one player in the world. “I started to play freely,” he says of that season. “I became the kid that I was when I started playing.”
The More You Desperately Want…
I first learned about “the backwards law” in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, in which Mark Manson adds, “It’s the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.” And the less you desperately want the hit series, the medal, the success, the rankings or the records—paradoxically, the more likely you are to get them.