I Wait For Most Things To Be Over
At a show on his Solo Tour, John Mayer made a confession. “I’m scared to say this,” he said, “but I think you can relate enough for me to not feel weird about saying this: I wait for most things to be over. I wait for this to be over to do the next thing and then wait for the next thing to be over to do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing and the next thing…” This relatable tendency to think about the next thing is called “prospection.” “Our brains were made for nexting,” the psychologist Daniel Gilbert writes in a chapter titled “Prospection” in his book Stumbling On Happiness. “When researchers count the items that float along in the average person’s stream of consciousness, they find that about 12 percent of our daily thoughts are about the future.” In other words, the average person spends 1 out of every 8 hours thinking about the next thing, “which is to say…each of us is a part-time resident of tomorrow.” Nexting, waiting for things to be over, and countering this relatable tendency—that’s the theme of this SIX at 6…
Never Wish For Less Time
To counter the brain’s tendency to prospect, John Mayer implemented a rule. “Because I’ve realized,” he said, “Everything you love and hate leaves at the same speed: Done. Done. Done. The thing you hate that you have to do tomorrow will be over before you know it, and the thing you’re looking forward to tomorrow will be over before you know it.” “So I have a new rule in my life,” Mayer said, “and the rule is: Never wish for less time. Waiting for things to be over is just wishing for less time. Waiting for this to be over to get to the next thing—that’s just wishing for less time.” “So wherever you go, just make a home right there and do that thing…Wherever you are, go, ‘this is where it’s all at right now.’ I’ve been having the time of my life because I figured that out.”
Everything Leaves At The Same Speed
There’s a neural truth to John’s realization—that “everything you love and hate leaves at the same speed.” In her book Dopamine Nation, Dr. Anna Lembke writes, “One of the most remarkable neuroscientific findings in the past century is that the brain processes pleasure and pain in the same place. Further, pleasure and pain work like opposite sides of a balance.” “And one of the overriding rules governing this balance,” she said, “is that it wants to stay level…With any deviation from neutrality, the brain will work very hard to restore a level balance—what scientists call ‘homeostasis.’ … With any stimulus to one side, there will be a tip of an equal and opposite amount to the other side.” Pain and pleasure, good days and bad days, the things you’re dreading and the things you’re looking forward to—everything leaves at the same speed.
Become Obsessed With Not Missing It
All in one weekend in November of 2011, Jason Segel was on the Late Show with David Letterman, hosted Saturday Night Live, and met President Obama at the White House. Before this weekend in which it would have been easy to think about the next thing, a friend told Segel, “It’s really important that you be present for all of this. You’re not going to post-enjoy it.” Segel used the analogy of taking out your phone to film a parts of a concert: “You don’t go back and watch it. If you’re not enjoying it while it’s happening, you’re missing it. You’re missing it.” So, he said, he constantly reminds himself of his friend’s advice—you don’t post-enjoy it—because “I never wanna miss it. I’ve become obsessed with not missing it.”
Never Wish Away A Minute of Your Life
In his book Travels with Epicurus, Daniel Klein writes, “I remember one long-ago evening, on an overcrowded train to Philadelphia, hearing a young woman moan to her mother, ‘God I wish we were there already!’ Her white-haired mother replied eloquently, ‘Darling, never wish away a minute of your life.’”
Through The Prospectiscope
We are constantly nexting, Gilbert explains in Stumbling On Happiness, because of “the illusion of foresight”—the illusion that “prospection can provide pleasure and prevent pain.” The reality is that “the future is fundamentally different than it appears through the prospectiscope.” The reality is that (whether through the prospectiscope or in the present) everything—pain and pleasure, the things you’re dreading and the things you’re looking forward to—leaves at the same speed. “So wherever you go, just make a home right there and do that thing…Wherever you are, go, ‘this is where it’s all at right now.’”