The Philosophy of Caring, But Not That Much
Herbie Cohen, “the world’s greatest negotiator,” advised President Jimmy Carter during the Iran hostage crisis and President Ronald Reagan during the Reykjavík Summit . He helped resolve the NFL players’ strike in 1987. He was helicoptered in to settle police strikes, negotiate with terrorists, work out the terms and close the deal. Over time, Herbie took the tactics and tricks he used in these high-pressure situations and spun them into a general life philosophy—“a kind of Jewish Buddhism,” his son Rich writes in The Adventures of Herbie Cohen . “He preaches engaged detachment, characterized as ‘caring, but not that much.’ More than a business strategy, he considers this a way of life.’”
That’s the theme of this SIX at 6: the philosophy of caring, but not that much…
Get Over Yourself
In the elimination game of the 1997 NBA Semifinals, Kobe Bryant shot 4 airballs late in the game. His team lost 98-93. He was asked how he handled this humiliating season-ending performance. He said he did two things. First, he detached—he told himself, “get over yourself. You feel embarrassed? Get over yourself. You’re worried about how people may perceive you? Get over yourself. You’re not that important.” Second, he engaged—he asked himself, “why did those air balls happen?” Kobe was then a rookie, drafted straight out of high school—the year before, he played thirty-five games with plenty of rest time in between games. In the NBA, there’s 82 games just in the regular season. So by the playoffs, Kobe said, “I didn’t have the legs. If you look at those shots—every shot was on line, but every shot was short.” It was clear what he needed to work on: “I gotta get stronger. I gotta train differently. The weight training program that I’m doing—I gotta tailor it for an 82-game season, so that when the playoffs come around, my legs are stronger and that ball gets there.”
Who Cares?
The legendary snowboarder Shaun White was asked about how he would mentally prepare for an Olympic run. He said he had the same routine before every big competition. Before he dropped into the halfpipe, Shaun said, “I say, ‘who cares?’ At the end of the day, who cares? What’s the big deal? I’m here, I’m going to try my best, and who cares? I’m going to go on from this regardless of what happens. Even though my whole world is wrapped up in this…who cares?”
Lower The Stakes
When an artist is stuck, music producer Rick Rubin writes, “one of the best strategies is to lower the stakes.” He explains, “We tend to think that what we’re making is the most important thing in our lives and that it’s going to define us for all eternity. Consider moving forward with the more accurate point of view that it’s a small work.” Rubin references Oscar Wilde, who famously said that some things are too important to be taken seriously. “Art is one of those things,” Rubin writes. “Setting the bar low, especially to get started, frees you play, explore, and test without attachment to results.”
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare, Then Throw It All Away
The director Mike Nichols made four straight box office hits, which included two Academy Awards nominations and an Oscar for Best Director. Then he made a movie that flopped. For the next seven years, he didn’t make a movie. He was worried, to borrow from Kobe, about how people would perceive him and his movies. He eventually got over himself and looking back, he said, “those seven years of not making movies taught me more about making movies than the years I spent making movies.” What did it teach him? “Relax,” he said. “Prepare as much as you can. Prepare, prepare, prepare, then show up, and throw it all away. Just show up and see what happens.”
The Symptom of A Nervous Breakdown
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown,” Bertrand Russell said, “is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” Get over yourself. You’re not that important. Whether it’s the Olympics, the NBA playoffs, a hostage negotiation, or a movie release—care, but not that much. Prepare, prepare, prepare, then show up, and say, who cares?