The Meaning Determines The Response
The intuitive narratives, beliefs, and assumptions we use to construct meaning from day-to-day experiences are known in psychology as “Lay Theories.” “The reason this matters,” Dr. David Yeager explains, “is because the way you interpret the meaning of something determines how you respond to it.” The exact same experience can be interpreted to mean two totally different things, driving two different responses that lead to two different outcomes. If a person is repeatedly getting bad outcomes, a psychologist might try to shift the stories and beliefs that shape their actions and behaviors in what Dr. Yeager calls a “Lay Theory Intervention.” This kind of shift can also happen as a personal breakthrough, through the advice of a coach, or with the help of someone who offers a new perspective. However it happens, this shift is the theme of this SIX at 6…
That Down And Discouraged Mindset Will Win
Lisa Kudrow was at a low point in her career after being fired from the pilot of Frasier, a setback that left her questioning her future in acting. The role was supposed to be a significant break for Kudrow, but instead, it became a moment of deep self-doubt. For a while, she struggled to get work. Then, she was offered a small, nameless role as a waitress on Mad About You. It was a minor part with no lines, and her agents advised her to pass on it, considering it beneath her and unlikely to advance her career. “I’m not in a position to say no,” Kudrow told her agents, and accepted the part. By the end of the week, Mad About You producer Danny Jacobson was so impressed with her performance that he offered a recurring role as a quirky waitress named Ursula Buffay. The role would eventually lead to her iconic portrayal of Phoebe Buffay on Friends, as the character of Ursula was carried over into the Friends universe as Phoebe’s twin sister. Reflecting on the challenging period that eventually led to her breakout roles, Kudrow said, “It’s okay to be discouraged. But then you’ve got to pull yourself back up. You can’t stay down. That can’t be your mindset for too long, or otherwise, it won’t work out. That down and discouraged mindset will win.”
Build The Best Damn Frog Float You Can
Early in his career, newly commissioned Ensign McRaven had just completed a grueling frogman exercise—a high-stakes drill for Navy SEALs and Underwater Demolition Teams (UDTs). When told the skipper urgently wanted to see him, McRaven’s mind raced. As the newest officer, he had worked tirelessly to prove himself, and with rumors of a real-world mission, he was sure this was it—perhaps a mission to snatch a terrorist or infiltrate enemy territory. Rushing to the skipper, McRaven envisioned himself following in the footsteps of the legendary frogmen whose images lined the walls, ready for a mission of great consequence. But his expectations were shattered when he was instead tasked with figuring out how to build a Frog Float for the local Fourth of July parade. “A Frog Float?” McRaven asked. “Yes,” the skipper replied. “A big green Freddie the Frog, puffing on a cigar, carrying a stick of dynamite. The folks in Coronado will love it!” “Yes sir,” McRaven replied. Frustrated, he headed to the locker room. There, Master Chief Hershel Davis, a seasoned frogman, sensed his disappointment. After McRaven explained the situation, Davis offered advice that would stick with him: “Let me tell you something, Ensign. I’ve been in this Canoe Club for almost thirty years. Sooner or later, we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But if you’re going to do it, then do it right. Build the best damn Frog Float you can.” Those words marked a turning point in McRaven’s mindset. “Throughout the rest of my career,” he writes, “I would be asked to build a lot of ‘frog floats’—asked to do those menial tasks that no one else wanted, those tasks that seemed beneath the ‘dignity of my rank.’” He took on the tough, unwanted jobs and approached them as he would a high-stakes mission. “I found, in my career, that if you took pride in the little jobs, people would think you worthy of the bigger jobs.” Over time, McRaven proved himself in every task, no matter how small, and eventually found himself leading the very missions he once dreamed of. From commanding special operations units to overseeing the raid that resulted in the death of Osama bin Laden, McRaven’s commitment to excellence, even in the most modest of tasks, paved the way for the larger, high-stakes missions that defined his career.
Treat Every Rep Like It’s The Super Bowl
After his second year at Michigan, Tom Brady wanted to transfer. He wasn’t playing in games, and he was so low on the depth chart that he only got 2 reps in practice. Brady met with his coach to express his frustration, “The other quarterbacks get all the reps.” His coach replied, “Brady, I want you to stop worrying about what all the other players on our team are doing. All you do is worry about what the starter is doing, what the second guy is doing, what everyone else is doing. You don’t worry about what you’re doing.” Coach reminded him, “You came here to be the best. If you’re going to be the best, you have to beat out the best.” And then he recommended that Brady start meeting with Greg Harden, a counselor who worked in Michigan’s athletic department. Brady went to Harden’s office and whined, “I’m never going to get my chance. They’re only giving me 2 reps.” Harden simply replied, “Just go out there and focus on doing the best you can with those 2 reps. Make them as perfect as you possibly can.” “So that’s what I did,” Brady said. “They’d put me in for those 2 reps, man, I’d sprint out there like it was Super Bowl 39. ‘Let’s go boys! Here we go! What play we got?’” “And I started to do really well with those 2 reps. Because I brought enthusiasm, I brought energy.” Soon, it went from getting 2 reps to getting 4 reps. Then from 4 to 10, “and before you knew it,” Brady said, “with this new mindset that Greg instilled in me—to focus on what you can control, to focus on what you’re getting, not what anyone else is getting, to treat every rep like it’s the Super Bowl—eventually, I became the starter.”
Take Your Mind Where You Want Your Ass To Follow
On May 2, 1972, Bruce Springsteen auditioned for the record producer John Hammond. Hammond had signed icons like Bob Dylan and Aretha Franklin—two of Springsteen’s heroes. “I would’ve been in a state of complete panic,” Springsteen writes, “except on the way up in the elevator, I performed a little mental jiu-jitsu on myself.” “I thought, ‘I’ve got nothing, so I’ve got nothing to lose…If nothing happens, I’m going to walk out of here the same person as when I walked in.’” Because he shaped the conversation in that way, Springsteen said, instead of panicking, he walked into the audition feeling confident. He performed his song, It’s Hard to Be a Saint in the City. “When I was done I looked up,” Springsteen writes, “and I heard him say, ‘You’ve got to be on Columbia Records…That was wonderful.’” Springsteen signed a ten-album deal and would go on to record with Hammond and Columbia Records for the next fifty years. But of course, it wasn’t a moment of mental jiu-jitsu that led to Springsteen’s success. “It’s like anything else: you have to take your mind where you want your ass to follow,” he said. “You’ve got to imagine the person you want to be before you can be them. Then you need to acquire the skills to actually become that person. Now, that’s where most people run out of luck: they don’t do the work to acquire the skills.”
Be Very Careful About How You Tell These Stories
“If you listen to people,” Michael Lewis said, “if you just sit around and listen, you’ll find there are patterns in the way they talk about themselves.” Some people are always the victim. Some people always get unlucky. Some people are always in the middle of some impossible project. Some people are always getting the short end of the stick. Some people are always having to do things they don’t want to do. Some people always just had the most annoying thing happen. “There are lots of versions of this,” Lewis says, “and you’ve got to be very careful about how you tell these stories because it starts to become your reality. You are—in the way you craft your narrative—crafting your character.”